You can't polish a turd...

I got my passport today. The photo is horrid. I look bloated, pissed and like I have a receding hairline. Is this how an international traveler is supposed to look? How embarrassing. Oh well. At least I have a passport now and my job paid for it. Now I have an excuse to buy a fancy passport holder. Do I need one? Hell no. But I will buy one regardless. I'm just doing my part to stimulate the economy.

Here are some that I like. Because I know you care.


flight001

Also from Flight 001 and my fav, so far:


Dunce Girl

I basically want to buy everything on the Flight 001 site. It's like Disneyland for people who love buying miniature shampoos and luggage.

A lil' Duct Tape for ya:

Think Geek

I like everything on this site, but most of it is sold out.

Especially this one below. Boo Hoo.

E-bags has some good classic stuff in fun colors:


Belle Hop

Abas

Belle Hop 2

and in case I go bat shit insane anytime soon...I'll purchase this:


Love Is

Looks like I have some big decisions to make.

I am watching American Idol. I don't know why I did this to myself. Probably because I hate myself. I liked the one Irish girl that was on here (if for nothing more than the cutaway shots of her frighteningly tattooed husband) and now she is gone. Now I hate everyone. Especially David Cook. He is the gayest. I wish it would just be over and "So You Think You Can Dance" would start. Shut up, I like it.

I still need a new gig. Help a sistah out.

We have a winner!

Headache update: went to the doctor today and hormonal migraines it is!!! I'm going to try using a different birth control pill and see if that works. Fingers crossed!

Also, a pussycat doll has remade "Rio" by Duran Duran. Waaaah?

Jesus Land

While I was sitting in my room in SLC, I was watching this game show called "Amnesia," where people have to answer questions about their past. Friends and family come on and tell little anecdotes about the contestant while they sway to music being pumped into one of those glass boxes so that they can't hear the story being told. Then, they are asked trivia questions about details from that story. I've come to the conclusion that I would be very good at this game. My brain is filled with people's names, stupid details, and things that no one else ever remembers happening. Who wants to be on this show with me? This also made me hope that I never get to the point where I don't remember these things. I like having useless knowledge of my past.

Saturday, I actually got out of the hotel and convention center and although I didn't see any of the "historical" crap in SLC, I did make it to the cupcake place.

It was everything I hoped it would be. Cute, adorbz, and tasty. The people were nice and the cupcakes were so delicious that I bought a box of six to bring home with me. They took a big beating when they had to go through security, but even if they weren't as pretty when they got home, they still tasted great!

Here are two photos from the Mini's Web site of two of the varieties I sampled:


The PB Fix: Chocolate and Peanut Butter. mmmm.


The Snowball: Vanilla with meringue and coconut.

I also tried the mocha latte, the black and white cupcake, the Breakfast at Tiffany's (it had blue frosting and silver sprinkles!), the lemon pie (I have a new found love of lemon curd), and the chocoholic. All get two thumbs up.

Some photos from my walking excursion in Salt Lake:

The mountains really are pretty awesome. I wondered if people who live their get used to having that as their background.

Nightlife in Utah. Looks like "Bliss" didn't really work out too well, building is for sale.

This was interesting. These were up and down the sidewalk on the street we walked up. And next to everyone, there was something written in blue marker...most of the others were references to Bible verses. WWJD? Hire a better PR firm?

Inside of Mini's cupcake bakery. My very own religion.

The display case with all the cupcakes.

On the way back to the hotel we had lunch at a cute coffee shop and then went to the airport. I finally got back to Chicago at 10:20, home by midnight. It's nice to be back.

Misery Index

It's 11:30 p.m. in Salt Lake City. I have the loudest neighbors ever. I can't sleep. I have to be back in the booth at 8 a.m. Another 9 hours.

If I am here next year, I will buy someone a plane ticket to where ever this wretched conference is and you can please be my guest to come kick me in the ass.

What. The. Fuck. am I doing here?

In other news, I'm watching the first season of Weeds. This show is amazing.

Can I get an Amen?

Greetings from SLC, Mormon capital of the USA! I've already gotten married and I have 6 new sister wives! All that accomplished in one day! Yeah, I know how to multi-task.

I kid, I kid.

The majority of my day can be summed up as 50% annoyance and 50% motion sickness.

Flight got delayed an hour.

We finally boarded and I realized I'm sitting in front of the ONLY child on the plane. I get nauseous even thinking about what he's going to be doing to my seat for the 3 1/2 hour plane ride ahead of me. But guess what? That little tot passed the eff out before he could wreak any havoc on my equilibrium.

In the end I was actually saved, because the dude sitting in the window seat of my row could have been sitting behind me. Then I would have projectile vomited or probably just huffed and puffed and gotten all shitty about it. This guy was a straight up crazy person. When we were on the ground he was fine, but as soon as we took off, he went pretty nuts. he kept opening and closing the shade, pulling out his newspaper and folding and unfolding it and ripping articles out of it, touching his face violently and shaking his leg rapidly. THEN...and this is when I really felt for the guy in front of him...he pulled out this huge carry on from under the seat so harshly that I was just staring at him with what I could feel was a very twisted look on my face. I don't even know how it fit under there in the first place, but he yanked that sucker out with purpose and shoved all his newspaper clippings in there and then shoved it the hell back under the seat from which it came. I just looked around and no one else was seeing what I was seeing. Of course.

After that I watched some episodes of Always Sunny In Philadelphia to cleanse my hateful mind.

We landed. People fucking take forever to get off the plane. An old ass lady is talking on her cell phone...my friend behind me yells loudly for her to get off the plane. Funny.

We get our luggage and are getting in a cab when some old guy in line behind us (who looked like Martin Landau) asks the person who gets the cabs for people where my friend and I are going. As in this dude is taking it upon himself to share a cab with us? Unsolicited? In the end he wasn't going where we were, but I kind of wish he was. I was in the mood to treat someone, and he was in the perfect position. But alas, I just trash talked him as we made our way to the hotel. Carsickness quotient is high. I see some mountains and it starts raining.

So, all in all the total travel time from door to door = 8 hours. Ugh.

I apologize for my change from present to past tense up there...I do not however feel like correcting it.

Hotel is nice. I have a smoking room, which means I don't have to stand outside to smoke at night which is good because it's freezing here today and oh yeah, it was snowing. Will I ever escape the snow???

The scenery is majestic of course, snow capped mountains and stuff. I'd hoped for a nice view. Such is not the case:

The mountains are probably behind those buildings, I'm guessing.

Tomorrow I have to work 9 hours in an exhibit booth. Same day, different city.

I'm going to try to see some of this Godly place.

The Mormon Tabernacle Choir is rehearsing tomorrow night...might go heckle them..might not. Not sure yet. Actually I think it would be interesting to check it out.

I do want to go to the Family History Library which is the world's largest collection of genealogical records. It's open until 10 p.m.! Crazy.

So, that's about it for now. I'm happy to be out of the office. I'll leave you with this photo I took of our "new" phone paging system at work:

Good Morning, Charlie...

Amen.

happiness is...

...watching three hours of the Food Network and reading the internets, on the couch with a drowsing meowsers next to me.

...opening the windows and not wearing socks.

...Richard Walker's.

...shopping sprees at forever21. When do I have to stop shopping there? My mom says never, since it's forever and all.

...only having 2 days in the office this week.


I'm going to Salt Lake on Wednesday, for 4 days. I hope to go here while I am there. The weather looks to be pretty shitty the first two days then better on Friday and Saturday. But it doesn't look like I'll be missing anything here. Warm weather, when will you be here to stay?

That's about it for now.