That's why the lady is a tramp.

The fact that it's almost the last week of July is disgusting to me. The summer has been packed and we will continue on the same track until Labor Day.

First of all, I really want to see the movie Hairspray. I know it lacks John Waters and Ricki Lake (who is seriously anorexic now in comparison to her past, right?) and of course the late Devine. But I just watched the "making of" special on HBO and it looks fun and the guy who choreographed/directed is a crazy person and he swears more than I do. Michelle Pfieffer is like "cat woman" hot in it also. But, I'm sure I'll wait till it comes out on DVD as I never go to the movies.

So, I have a new television love of my life. We've had some good times in the past, when she stared in a little flick called "Spice World," but we've been reunited...and really, it feels so good. Her name is Posh Spice. You may know her as the woman who is married to the world renound hottest man alive, David Beckham and rightfully so (unlike Fergie Ferg who has somehow managed to keep her lovely lady lumps wrapped around Josh Duhamel...all the while looking like someone hit her in the face with a brick...but don't get me started) I digress...back to Posh. I plan on writing about my television obsessions here. So please stay tuned for the details. Aside from Posh's totally amazing and I'm sure mostly scripted reality show, she's useless...but fascinating to watch none the less and kind of has a witty sense of humor, no? Anyways...I finally have a favorite Spice Girl...too bad it's about 10 years too late. You should watch.

Something I've been meaning to cover for a while. First a short warning...the links are sort of NSFW, so I would proceed with caution. A few weeks ago, I went to my bestie's apartment in Elgin. She happens to live right down the street (like two doors down) from this dance club called the Mission. Maybe you've heard of it? Maybe you haven't. Either way, it's a club that caters to over age and under age patrons in the same club, separating them by like different rooms or something? Again, I'm not sure of the specifics, but I know that 17 year olds and 28 year olds are all in the same club together, which in itself seems kind of strange, in a very real "to catch a predator" kind of way. So we decided to go down to the stoop so I could have a smoke. It was about midnight (on a Saturday night btw) and what I saw before my eyes was so unbelievable/disturbing/confusing/humorous/sick. If you've ever watched a documentary on I think HBO called "Hookers at the Point," (which, you can admit that you have) or anything along the same lines...I think you'll be able to envision the extreme ho patrol that I was a witness to that evening. But these aren't "women" or even like girls in their 20's...these are teenagers!!! DRESSED LIKE LADIES OF THE NIGHT! And thinking it's completely okay! I guess my biggest question is like...who is influencing these girls to dress like this? Hollywood (stars, not prostitutes)? I dunno...I mean cooter and nip shots aside...I don't see many of young ladies in Hollywood walking around in spandex cut offs and thinking they look good or mistaking a long and lean t-shirt from target for a dress. I'm seriously perplexed. I know that i'm 25...not 55...but I felt like giving each of these girls...who were stomping across the street like they were working it on a catwalk..or doing their best pretty woman impression, smashing out their parmliment/marlboro/camel light cigarette with the heel of their stilleto and trying to pull down on the back of their coochie cutter shorts (see underwear) or dress (see t-shirt) to pretend like they are at all in the least bit modest...and either slap the shit out of them, or give them a hug and tell them that things will get better and some day they won't hurt so much. Don't even get me started on the dudes that go to this place. I think my next move is to dial 1-800-chrishanson and ask him if he's ever thought of doing his hit television series in a night club setting...it's so easy! You don't even have to trap them...they are already here, dry humping and posing for photographic proof! To conclude, this parade of skanalicious girls kidding themselves into thinking they are entering Teddy's or Les Deux instead of a suburban sess pool and plenty of dudes working on a rape charge happens nightly every weekend in fabulous downtown Elgin. If you ever want to watch...give me a call. We have a stoop to perch on and plenty of flavor-ice. I promise you won't be disappointed, although you may give the idea of having children (especially a daughter) a second thought.

Speaking of skanks, hoes, and rape charges...I'm going to Vegas in about three weeks!!! I'm so excited. I'm going for my 26th birthday with my houseboy and my homeboy and his lady love. I'm super excited to eat lots of good food, drink a shitload of booze, and maybe even wear a t-shirt for a dress. I hope we can meet Carrot Top and that I have the best birthday ever. Sean and I have been to Vegas every summer for the last three years and this will be my 5th year in a row. I almost thought this would be the first year I didn't make a trip out there, but alas...it's all happening. I'm staying at the MGM and I plan on winning a gazillion dollars and never having to work ever again. In the words of Mrs. David Beckham...it's going to be "major." I love her.